TECHNOLOGY was killing my SEXUAL LIFE. So we banned it in the bedroom.

Before we introduced the ban:

I used to lie down  in bed, make myself comfortable, and immediately click on my social media apps or watch a video

Sometimes I wouldn't say even one word to my husband or even look at him when he came into the bedroom to join me.

He'd get into bed and do the same thing. We'd be lying on opposite sides of the bed, in our own digital worlds, physically and mentally apart from each other.

Sometimes we could be on our phones for 30 or 45 minutes in silence, then turn out the light, say good night, and try to go to sleep.

Doing this every night made us wake up feeling more disconnected and less satisfied with each other, which created more tension and negativity in our daily relationship.

How has banning technology in the bedroom impacted my sex live?

It has made a massive positive difference. We are more active, but also when we want to have sex it happens more naturally. More quality as well as more quantity.

This has happened because without technology in the bedroom, me and my husband are connected in the traditional sense more than before.We give each other our full attention, instead of our devices.

We are present in the moment, with our feelings.We talk, we're relaxed, we have no distractions, we have made that time only for the two of us, so we feel like the most important thing to each other.

And that creates a nice environment for us to be in the mood, and for sex to be more likely to happen.But it's not just about sex on its own.

Sex is the result of being more connected emotionally and mentally, with yourself and with your partner. Being more relaxed in yourself. Feeling more intimate, and physical intimacy normally comes after emotional intimacy. 


Why did I give up technology?

My husband and I went through a period last year when were arguing more, about lots of little things, and he complained many times that our sex life was important to our general relationship, and that it wasn't in a healthy place.

We talked about how sex doesn’t just happen, especially when you've been together many years and you have busy lives with your mind full of kids and work stresses. It needs other non-sexual things to be happening in the relationship.

We looked at how we could reconnect in a non-sexual way, feel more intimate with each other, spend quality time together, actually focused on only each other, and the obvious place to start making improvements was what we were doing in the bedroom (which is the only guaranteed time of the day that it's just the two of us!)

I want to be clear that I haven't "given up" technology altogether. That would be impossible with my coaching business, and technology is a very useful tool for me to promote what I do and talk to clients. However, I've put stricter control and rules on when I use, and don't use, technology and I believe that's the key for everyone to have a healthy relationship with both their phones and their partners!

Listen to me on BBC 5 Live at The Emma Barnett Show starts at 1h 40 min - I’m talking at 1h 47min


Arantxa De Dios